God Humbled me today

Some days are a perfect execution of contradictions...
We've had a stretch of fine weather as of late and I was looking forward to some scenic rides up in the north country, maybe Canada, NH and home with a good motorcycle buddy. We started out in great fashion, (I make it a point to look good on the back of his bike, silk scarf and all...He looks pretty good too). We got about two hours into some stunning country, stopped for a good lunch, stretched our legs, mapped out our adventure and then mounted up to continue. I was thrilled to be there basking in the sun in the very good company of a gentleman on his chromed out Harley. So very blissed-out, living a dream, feeling blessed in this shared experience over the road, cruising far and away from my intense life... "this is living...what could be better..." was all I could think about. Then in the course of ten minutes or so, I got an abrupt lesson in what a brain injury can do to ruin a perfect day. I became so violently ill I was desperate for him to stop. "Where?!" he replied; "anywhere safe", I pleaded. He pulled off in a door yard and shut down while I tried not to hurl all over his back. We were in the middle of nowhere; miles from any town, any store, any support. And of course, our cell phones had no service. In seconds I was awash with every bodily fluid my body could purge. Horribly ill, nowhere to go but to crawl behind a truck barn beside the road and get sicker. Concerned and confused, he asked if I was alright... head for the trees..."that's the plan...", was my weak reply. I was a mess, in every way. I can remember trying to discern what was happening medically, hoping that I had not burst my appendix and, oddly, that my leathers would clean up alright and I could some how clean up when there was no water to be found, just some sand. When I could finally take a breath without gagging, the view was pristine across the valley. I propped myself against the back of the barn and just stared out there, thinking: "life isn't fair...the sky is blue, water is wet and life isn't fair...", feeling a lot more vulnerable than I ever care to be. A group of bikes chose to pull off right there where our bike was. I heard them talking but don't remember what they said. My partner came around the corner to see me squatting and cussing. He sat low beside me and just listened as I mused,"I don't know what will kill me first, this brain injury or the meds they have me on...." He looked over and smiled, still quiet. "I'm so sorry. I guess our plans have been decided for us..." was my lame attempt at conversation. I wanted to just roll over and melt into the earth. Not only do I feel like crap (I now know what that means, literally), but I just outed my broken brain, exposed the random treachery it can impose and quite likely ended a wonderful friendship with a kind man...life isn't fair. I would have preferred dying to killing this friendship. And we had minimum of two hours riding to get me home. Swell. I felt utterly beaten, by a silent syndrome that rears its ugly dysfunction at the worse moments and I have precious little control over it. I couldn't even look at him. But he could look at me; he put his hand out, helped me up and spoke music to my ears, "come on, let's go". With that we walked to his chromed out ride while some happy bikers greeted us: "nice day for a ride, ain't it!" "Yes it is" affirmed my partner; he mounted up and I swung my leg over behind him. Feeling thoroughly helpless, I buried my face in his shoulder and held on tight all the way home. All I could think was God bless him and God help me. This was a lesson in how fragile the balance of medications can be in treating my injured brain. A seemingly minor addition of an antibiotic for a sinus infection tipped my physiology from balanced and happy to system wide chaos which spoiled a potentially perfect day. When I finally got home, I cleaned myself up, restored my leathers and lay back in my empty house exhausted and defeated. My mortal embarrassment easing away, I was struggling to make sense of such a disaster; what was the purpose in this? If everything happens for a reason and God has a plan, why would this be His lesson for me? Have I taken life's true worth for granted? In the evening silence, the reflection gently emerged. God showed me how majestic He could craft a day...how genuine He could create a friend...how fragile He could build a mind...how mortal He could make any person, including me...that His will is greater than mine...God humbled me today; I hope I never forget...I hope He allows that I ride again with this remarkable friend...
luv and peace ~ el

this post is in honor of a real friend and finding some good in all of the bad...