the Ides of Summer

...beware the ides of summer. Those middle times when we are past the freshness and possibilities of a new season but not yet at the mellowing conclusion of a weathered season. We're not ready to reflect on our lists of do it/done that...these middle weeks and days of month and season seem so beguiling to me. Today was a test of treading water when the shore of my departure is too far gone to return to yet the shore I'm striving for is too far to be seen. All that means is, its easy to give up hope when treading water in the middle of the ocean. July has been a test of fortitude as I try to manage a serious legal battle for my maternal rights for my boyz. It has been a struggle for sustainable vocation given the poor weather and the fragile economy. I have been fumbling with a precious friendship and this morning I was met with an horrific wound on an exceptional horse. When collecting the horses for their morning meal and rehab program, the lovely Shood Ari ambled up to me from the south pasture only to reveal a bloodied chest. This strapping young gelding had somehow torn his hide from his front left pectoral region. He was gingerly walking toward me, head down with anxious pained brown eyes. He was oozing blood and dangling a web of flesh the size and shape of printer paper. 'Christ have mercy' my words to self. We had to start by moving horses, making a safe paddock...my young student put out some grain to calm the herd. I moved Shoodi up front and began the gauntlet of phone calls to vets. Who could come ASAP...by fortune, we would be attended by Dr. Steve from Large Animal Medical Associates. He arrived in good time and set to work. We cleared out a spot in the front of the barn and backed in the 16.2 h youngster so the natural light would illuminate the delicate task. We no sooner got the brown beauty in his spot that the skies began to erupt with thunder, lightening and more rain adding a sense of drama to our scene. With a little tranquilizer (ok, a lot). The horse became a perfect and passive gentleman. I was grateful that my young student volunteered to head the horse so I could sit out of the field of vision of this mess. I am a useless veterinary assistant for the bloody rehabs as the size and scale of this type of wound triggers an instant visceral reaction in me. One good look, and I am down for the count. It doesn't help the situation when I am on the floor passed out. It's always been this way with me and mangled horses. That said, young Felicia was the hero assistant while the talented vet worked his magic. It is spellbinding to watch a skilled vet perform flawless restoration such as this. Starting with ripped flesh and tissues, strategizing closure sequences, bringing together the seemingly destroyed live materials, first the big sutures placed large and wide, then the smaller refined stitches to close the gaps... when done its a normal looking body part with an excellent chance to survive and even thrive. All of this in a less than clean barn, in less than ideal light, with the simplest of materials. The wound was closed up in about 50 minutes. Intensive antibiotics to stay ahead of infection (the real danger in this type of wound), pain killers to ease his afternoon and the rest is up to his constitution and God's grace. This horse is ideal to be a carriage horse with his long graceful legs and powerful top line. I believe he'll recover fully and have that chance. The bill paid at $510 with treatment and meds (3 weeks of antibiotics), I graciously thanked the vet and marveled at his humble talent. At age 19, I so wanted to be a vet like him. At age 20 I had my first experience with massive equine trauma such as this. It dropped me on that barn floor and eliminated that career choice for me. . . probably worked out for the best. . . but still it would have been amazing to possess such a skill. The awesome brown horse is sore but eating well and enjoying massive amounts of TLC... all's well that ends well. Now if I could only get the rest of my mid-summer days moving in a restorative direction...if the doc can mend the horse's terrible mess and make him whole again... is it possible that maybe there is a chance that I can be a mom to my sons, that I can make a living and I can mend a precious friendship? I believe with some TLC, some good sewing, some strong medicine that its possible. I'll keep you posted on Shood Ari, you'll hear about my other follies and foibles too. It's all good, if I survive. Peace ~ ell
this one is for doctor Steve and his talent in healing...