I have far too much unstructured time when I'm not working. So many idle minutes and hours that when its too warm outside, I skim on line dating gigs. It seems like "paid to view" or "free" to brave souls; it doesn't much matter: the odds are good, but the goods are odd. I have so many stories in this mis-adventure. When I look back, most are laughable, a few are sad, and one is scary. For anyone coupled up, it probably doesn't jive with your comprehension, on-line personals - what for? How does one discern fact from fiction? I would argue, that loosely defined, its more about truths. As the shrink says: perception is reality. One thing to always remember, "respondent BEWARE". Just google it someday and hit your state, personals and see the list of those seeking or being sought. The dialogue takes about 3 months of regular perusal reading between the lines to sift fiction from non-fiction. Real estate listings got nothing on the veiled misdirections of on line personals. But knowing this and more, I jumped in, posted on strictly platonic for moto-rides, event companions.... the friends with out benefits stuff. Dozens of responses from clueless, to lonely, to desperate, to downright mean and unkind. I sorted out the inappropriate and found two good people to ride motorcycles with. Lots of meetings for "coffee and a ride" ending in no-shows when significant others denied them of their fantasy, innocent or not. But the endless dilemma is that it is very vexing to meet like minded people in rural places when 90% of the sane population is coupled-up. You'd think folks would just like to meet new folks, new friends, new experiences....not. They want the whole ten course meal from minute one as if they were ordering a big mac and super-size that, if you don't mind. It can be entertaining to read the posts, a lens into a very broken culture: the American Way gone farcical(it'd make a great stage production). Occasionally, I make a friend for a moto-ride, but even that can be on the fringe of reasonable. Anyone who has participated in CL has a few odd stories to tell. My scary CL story goes like this...last fall, I answered a post via email for a guy nearby who wanted to take "one last ride of the season with a nice lady, no funny business." We swapped emails for a week and then set it up. He was prompt, polite, really reasonable fella. He had an amazing bike. A Valkyrie which he adored. We rode for a few hours. He took it out on I89 to impress me with its vitality. We went fast; so fast my braid came undone, so fast my sunglasses were peeled from my face. So fast when I glanced over his shoulder and saw 120mph, I asked him to slow down so we could get something to eat. He dutifully exited to a keen dinner; we ate, we talked. I discerned he was a bit eccentric, a bit uncertain having recently divorced and relocated to Stowe. We remounted his gorgeous bike and continued south eventually, returning me to my parked mini-bomb (ford windstar). I emailed him a gracious thank you and wished him a pleasant winter. Knowing I would not choose to ride with him again. He took a few too many chances with me on the back and while I like going fast, I like being able to stop also. The week meandered along and I rode with one of my regular moto-chauffeurs happy to feel the wind in my face. Sunday night came along and I happened to check out the Burlington Free Press on line. And there, in the breaking news headline, I saw it. The seemingly nice, but notably odd, fella who took me for a too-fast ride had broken into his estranged ex wife's home, murdered her bedfellow and then killed himself. He left a detailed note so he meant to do it. I was shocked, shaking, praying for all of us. There but for the grace of God, go I. It was a clarifying moment; we think we can tell when someone is ok, when we are at risk, but we see only the masks that people wear. I've met some creepy people on CL and other on-line meeting places; I've met some keen people too. There is no moral to this story, only that it is easier than one thinks to be misled. Is the glass half empty, or half full? . . . an engineer would tell you to get a smaller glass, then it is always full. . . but I think its not the water in the glass at all; its the well that one draws it from....
If you are fortunate enough to have someone to love you back; then nurture that bond, cherish that time and space and quench your thirst from that sweet and healthful spring. Love is like water, it comes in many forms and it can slip through your fingers if not preserved in a good vessel. Love good water, water good love.
peace ~ ell
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